The Myth of Spiritual Conversations is alive and well in most churches today. I see it every time I teach evangelism at with the Center for Ministry and Leadership Training at Phillips Seminary. As soon as I start the class, I can feel the dread hanging in the air like a fog. It’s a required course, so everyone in the program has to take it, but that doesn’t mean they’re excited about it. In fact, it’s probably one of the most dreaded courses in the curriculum. But every time I teach it, as I get started I’m well aware that most of this dread stems from a fundamental misunderstanding about what spiritual conversations really are. Students come in thinking they need to learn how to awkwardly shoehorn Jesus into every chat, but that’s not it at all. The truth is, spiritual conversations are far more natural – and far more common – than most people realize. Let’s bust this myth wide open, shall we?

One of the biggest concerns I hear is about how to start a spiritual conversation without making it awkward. During the course, I teach a session on the necessity of getting comfortable with having spiritual conversations. But here’s the thing – most folks are thinking way too narrowly about what counts as “spiritual.”

The Myth of “Spiritual Conversations”

Conversations lead to relationships, plain and simple. Before you can effectively share the gospel, you’ve got to earn the right to share. That comes from listening and asking good questions. You need to get to know the person, and they need to get to know you before they’re comfortable having what we typically think of as a “spiritual” conversation.

Here’s a myth we need to bust: spiritual conversations don’t have to start with mentioning God or Jesus. In fact, most spiritual conversations are about what many Christians consider “non-spiritual” topics. Marital problems, kid issues, anxieties, money troubles, job dissatisfaction – you name it. The list goes on and on, and could include anything from the weather to current events to politics.

The truth is, there isn’t any topic that doesn’t have spiritual roots. When Jesus promised a full and abundant life, he wasn’t just talking about a satisfying worship experience or a meaningful 5:30 a.m. devotional. He was talking about a full and abundant life, period. And that covers a lot of ground we often label as “secular.”

Two Goals for Every Conversation

1. Learn more about the person you’re talking to. As my grandmother used to say, God gave us two ears and one mouth to be used in that proportion. Listen and ask good questions. This isn’t just about being polite – it’s about genuinely seeking to understand the other person’s perspective, experiences, and needs.
2. Ensure there’s another conversation. If your chat wears them out or leaves them unsatisfied or doubting your authenticity, you can kiss that opportunity for a transformational conversation goodbye. Leave them wanting more. This means being genuinely interested, respectful, and engaging without being pushy or overbearing.

When I’m building a relationship with someone outside the church and the kingdom, I always try to set up a day and time for another conversation before we part ways. Every conversation should lead to another. This doesn’t mean you need to schedule a formal meeting – it could be as simple as saying, “I’ve really enjoyed talking with you. Let’s grab coffee next week and continue this conversation.”

The Peter Principle of Spiritual Conversations

Now, my students’ concern about introducing spirituality, faith stories, and experiences in a meaningful and non-offensive way is valid. That’s why it’s so important to break through the myth of spiriutal conversations. Really, I get it. I think the answer is found in what Peter told the early church.

In 1 Peter 3:15, he instructs his readers to be ready to share the reason for their hope whenever they’re asked, and to do it with respect. There are at least three assumptions Peter’s making here:

1. We have a reason for hope. We’ve pinned our eternity on Jesus and built a relationship following him. This isn’t about having all the answers or being perfect – it’s about having a genuine, personal experience of hope in Christ.
2. We can articulate that hope. This is where things often fall apart. When I ask church members and leaders what it is about their relationship with Jesus that their neighbor needs to know, I usually get responses about how wonderful the church is. But that’s not what unchurched people want to hear about. They want to hear about our relationship with Jesus.
3. People are asking about that hope. This is the big aha! Having a spiritual conversation is easy when someone asks about our faith. The problem is, most of us don’t live lives remarkable enough to warrant questions.

Living a Life Worth Remarking On

When I say “remarkable,” I don’t mean extraordinary. I mean living in a way that invites people to make remarks about our life and choices. And how do they find out about those? Through spiritual conversations – remember, every conversation, when handled well, is a spiritual conversation.

It’s easy to have a spiritual conversation that turns into a Q&A session (like Peter talked about) when our lives are overflowing with God stuff. When our spiritual buckets are full to overflowing, we can’t help but share about our faith walk. It becomes part and parcel of our conversations.

We mention who we’re praying for, share something from worship, talk about our involvement in ministry, or make an observation about Scripture that applies to the situation. What we’re not doing is running around saying “Praise Jesus!” after every sentence. Those kinds of Christians tend to be more annoying than helpful to their unchurched neighbors.

Don’t get me wrong, a well-placed “Praise Jesus” or “Thank God” can be a natural part of the conversation. But it shouldn’t dominate every paragraph, let alone every sentence.

The Challenge of Articulating Our Faith

One of the biggest hurdles I see is that many people in the pew don’t seem to have a relationship with Jesus. Instead, they’ve substituted their faith in Jesus with an infatuation with the church. This becomes problematic when the church fails them – and it will, because the church is a group of broken people who aren’t always following Jesus and his teachings. And when the “church” fails them, too often they’ll walk away from Christianity altogether because it’s easy to leave the church. It’s not so easy to walk away from Jesus.

When I ask what I call “the ultimate question” – “What is it about your relationship with Jesus that your neighbor needs to know about?” or “What is it about your relationship with Jesus that your neighbor would be willing to listen to?” – I often get responses about how wonderful the church is, how their friends attend the church, or how the church was there for them during tough times.

But here’s the thing: most unchurched people, and certainly the irreligious, have no real interest in hearing about our relationship with the church. What they know about the church they’ve picked up from the media, from so-called “Christians” they’ve known, or perhaps from long-ago memories. They’re not impressed with the church. Instead, they want to hear about our relationship with Jesus. And to be honest, most people haven’t even thought through the implications of that question, let alone considered how to articulate it.

The Bottom Line

Living a life worth remarking on isn’t about being perfect or having all the answers. It’s about being authentic, loving, and open about our faith journey – the ups and the downs. It’s about letting our actions speak louder than our words, but also being ready to share the reason for our hope when asked.

When we live this way, spiritual conversations flow naturally. We don’t have to force them or make them awkward. They become a natural part of our everyday interactions, woven into the fabric of our relationships.

So, the next time you’re worried about how to start a spiritual conversation, remember: it’s not about finding the perfect opening line or shoehorning Jesus into every conversation. It’s about living a life that’s full of God’s love and grace, being genuinely interested in others, and being ready to share your story when the opportunity arises.

No awkwardness required. Just genuine, caring relationships and a life that’s worth talking about. And that will debunk all the myths of our spiritual conversations.